Car drivers who don't use their lights properly

Why oh why oh why do most drivers have absolutely no idea how to use the lights on their car?

There we are, the competent drivers, sticking to the rules, driving safely and in a stress-free manner, keeping to the speed limits, wondering why we bother when every other driver, especially white van and BMW drivers are complete nutters!

I ask you, it shouldn’t tax the mind of a three-year-old. If it’s dark, put your lights on. There, that wasn’t difficult was it? If it’s foggy, put your fog-lights on. See, simple! But no, you’re driving along in thick fog, visibility down to 50 yards and not a fog-light anywhere. Some of these madmen don’t even have sidelights on. What do they think, they’re immortal?

However, next day, the sun beams down and there’s Joe Racer in his Ford Fiesta with the huge spoiler (that comes off every time he hits a speed bump); go-faster stripes down the side; and an exhaust wide enough to double as the funnel for the QE2 and guess what? Yes, he’s got his fog-lights on. Look at me guys! Aren’t I cool. And I’ve got fog-lights. OK, it’s only a bog-standard 1100cc engine under the bonnet but nobody sees that. GET A LIFE!

And if it’s raining and there’s spray and fogged up windows and glaring lights reflecting off wet roads – that’s called ‘diminished visibility’. Look it up in the Highway Code, trust me it’s in there and it says in diminished visibility, ‘PUT YOUR LIGHTS ON’. That means your headlights, not those piddling little 5 watt things.

IT SO MAKES ME MAD! Of course, none of this applies to white van or BMW drivers who all live in a little world of their own and to whom normal rules do not apply. It takes a special type of driver to drive a white van or BMW. One without a brain. Or eyes. Am I exaggerating? No sir! When did anybody last see a white van or BMW being driven well? Never, right? Nor will you.

When I rule the world, if you don’t use your car lights properly, you’ll have your car taken away and crushed for scrap. And white vans & BMW’s will all be scrapped too. And their drivers will all be made to drive Reliant Robins for the rest of their days.

When I rule the world, things are going to change! Oh yes!