People who talk in Supermarkets

Why oh why oh why do people have to stand around, blocking the aisles in supermarkets, chatting away to their chums? Haven't they got homes for that?

There we are, the normal people with time-tables to keep, places to be, already stressed by the supermarket experience, wondering why tomato puree, tinned tomatoes and ketchup are all in different aisles and there they stand, usually in the busiest aisles, trolleys at ninety degrees for maximum inconvenience, chatting away and completely oblivious to all the chaos around them.

Now I’m sure that it really is essential for Mrs Brown to know that Mrs White’s dog had a nasty growth on his private bits and she had to take him to the vets. And isn’t that expensive now? Anyway, the nice vet lady gave him some tablets and she’s giving him lots of doggy treats now and dah de dah de dah de dah…

Meanwhile Mr Brown & Mr White have run out of things to say to each other and they’re not allowed to go off on their own so they look embarrassed and try to move to one side to let people get up the aisle, thereby blocking others coming the other way. Mrs White is now moving on to compare the nasty growth on the bl**dy dog with something Mr White had last year and it SO MAKES ME MAD!

Invite the Browns to your home! Talk to them there! Or talk in the car park, anywhere but in the middle of a heaving shop. And why have you got trolleys anyway? You’re only buying 6 items but no, you have to get the biggest trolley, six feet deep and with seating for triplets and space for a surfboard. You only needed a bl**dy basket!

When I rule the world, if you have a trolley you’ll face a minimum charge of £50. And there will be a time limit, let’s say, 20 minutes shopping time max. You don’t need more. Know what you want, know where it is, get it and get out!

And people who stand around chatting, blocking the aisles will be shot, processed as dog food and fed to their own dogs, with or without nasty growths.

When I rule the world, things are going to change! Oh yes!